Imperial Hotel
by woodrosegirl
Summary: Post S2E9 (The Thanksgiving Episode) Derek and Addison try to rip the stitches on their marriage. Explores how they may have gone from kissing outside the trailer at the end of S2E9 to being in a hotel at the beginning of S2E10. Rating will go up within the next couple of chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**New mini story! So, I was re-watching Season 2, and I noticed that at the end of the Thanksgiving episode they leave Addison and Derek kissing in front of the trailer, the in the next episode (the next day presumably) Addison mentions to Derek that she didn't hear him leave the hotel, and then she missed him at breakfast. So how did they get from outside the trailer to Derek staying with her for the night at the hotel? The thought wouldn't leave me alone so this was born, just to 'fill in the gaps' This isn't going to be very long, probably only 4 or so chapters, and to everyone who reads 'New Beginnings' a new chapter will be up within the week. Title is from "Imperial Hotel" by Stevie Nicks.**

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Rip the stitches, they'd said, no anesthesia they'd said. The process – calling sex a 'process' was bad enough – was supposed to be fast. Painful perhaps, but quick, and once over would hopefully bring a sense of relief. But it didn't seem to be happening, at least not the way Addison thought it would. The Thanksgiving lunch reservation had been long forgotten, all calls just directing straight through to Derek's voicemail. The longer she waits for him, outside of his trailer, the more painful the situation feels. He's not coming to rip the stitches yet, and the hurt burrows within her, meshing, binding deeper within her, like a stitch ingrained into skin. By the time she saw the headlights of his jeep swing past the trailer the hurt felt so buried into her that the welcome fog of anesthesia would be a relief. Anything to stop this pain.

She watched as he approaches and she can't read his face – When was the last time she _could_ read it? – She sits, almost defeated, no fight left inside of her anymore. There was no need for her to shout at him or question his whereabouts. She knew where he had been. No questions, no answers. Instead she lifts her eyes up to his encroaching figure, and, instead of berating him, simply asks. "Are you done Derek? Hurting me back I mean?" There's no answer and he stands, leaning against the porch frame rain dripping down from his hair onto his jacket, pushing a hand idly through his drenched locks he simply takes a seat next to her.

"Here we go" he says, and he leans towards her, softly finding her mouth with his whilst his arm moves to her torso, winding around the curves of her stomach, pulling her gently towards him, closing the gap between them. The feel of his lips caressing hers felt both familiar and strange all at once, and she can't remember the last time they had kissed – That day in the NICU- she suddenly thought – but she couldn't remember the last time in New York they had kissed like _this_ , with his tongue lazily slipping into her mouth, meeting with hers, battling against each other gradually. The last few months of their marriage was just a blur of pecks on the cheeks or lips a mere second long. She tried to turn her mind off and focus on the fact that the kisses she had missed so much were now playing out in front of her. She began to spend up the kiss, as suddenly all the pent up emotion she had felt sitting alone on the porch, and all those lonely nights in New York came to a head and she pushed himself into his embrace, kissing him forcefully and winding her arms around his neck, needing to feel his soft skin under the pads of her fingers. She crushed her hands into his hair, before reality crashed in as she realised her hands were soaking wet. She pulled away from him, chuckling softly. Derek gave her a sideways glance.

"I'm glad you find my kissing so amusing" he said, sounding confused.

"It's not that" she said, "you're just all wet." She showed him her saturated hands. He glanced down at his clothes.

"I think my hair caught the brunt of it, but I should properly towel off and we can…." He cleared his throat. "Continue in the….in the warm." He got to his feet and walked into the trailer, Addison following behind him. Derek made a bee line for the bathroom, firstly handing Addison a towel to dry off her hands. He gestured her towards the bedroom. "I won't be long." She sat down tentatively on the bed, feeling confused and overwhelmed by the trailer. It symbolized a change in her husband, one that she didn't understand. It was Derek who decided on the brownstone with her because of the space it granted them back in New York, and now in Seattle… living in what essentially was a tin can in the middle of the forest…he seemed like a different person. One she didn't know anymore. Perhaps it was just _her,_ she mused. The brownstone fitted him back then because he wanted the space _from her._ She shook her head in an effort to rid herself of these negative thoughts, knowing full well that it was just the surroundings that were causing her to feel this way. Derek called out from the bathroom.

"You okay Addie? I'll only be a couple of minutes."

"Yep…fine." She said, hoping her voice wouldn't betray the way she was feeling.

Looking down at the bed she twisted her hands into the sheets, noting for the first time that they were freshly put on. New, and soft like the thread count she was used too, but the pattern was unfamiliar, not one that she would have chosen, but one that seemed to fit in with the whole tone of the trailer. If a stranger had walked into the trailer, they wouldn't be able to glean anything about his life. It was empty. Empty of _her,_ she realised. Just like his life was for those few months before she turned up.

Empty of her and full of Meredith. She turned towards the bed feeling her head spin as the truth dawned on her. He had slept with Meredith in this bed. It was horrible irony. She had slept with Mark in their marital bed, and now she was expected to sleep with her husband in the same bed where he had laid with his girlfriend. She blinked away tears as Derek exited the small bathroom.

"All dry" he said, smiling.

"That's great" Addison said, swallowing her emotion down and trying to disguise her voice so that Derek wouldn't recognise that anything was wrong. "These sheets are nice" she says, trying to stop her voice faltering.

"They're new" he says, sitting hesitantly next to her on the bed. "Are you ready?" he asks. She nods, not trusting her voice anymore and he leans in, recapturing her mouth with his, using his tongue to gently probe inside her mouth, searching for her tongue and sliding them together. Gently he manoeuvred himself so that he was in front of her and he pushed her down onto the bed. As they continued to kiss Addison tried to focus on everything he was doing and enjoy the touch of her husband but, as he slid his hands up her waist and under her shirt, palming her soft breasts whilst also moving his lips down to her neck and kissing down her nape, all she could see was Derek and Meredith. Derek kissing Meredith on the bed Derek running his hands under _her_ shirt. Suddenly she felt dizzy and nauseous, her chest tightening at the images in her head causing her to feel short of breath.

"Derek stop" she managed to gasp, feebly pushing him off of her.

"Addie what's wrong?" his face hovered above hers, etched in concern at her sudden onset of panic. "Did I hurt you?" She shook her head. "It's you…you and Meredith…..both of you….in this bed. I can't…I just can't…"

She summoned the strength to stand and burst out of the room, desperate for fresh air. Once outside she sank down onto the porch, desperately trying to breathe deeply and quell the sick feeling that was growing in the pit of her stomach.

Rip the stitches they'd said. He'd ripped something, but it wasn't stitches. He'd caused a new wound, deep and cavernous inside of her, and she had no idea how he would stitch it back up again.

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 **Thoughts? It's a cliche but reviews make me write faster!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 is here! Thank you so much for all the reviews, follows and favorites - I've worked hard on this chapter, trying to get the characterization and the situation on point. I hope I've done them both justice and you all enjoy this.**

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Derek watched as his wife stumbled out of the bedroom, hearing the trailer door open and then bang shut, unsure as to what exactly had just happened to cause a sudden onslaught of panic. She'd garbled something about Meredith before pushing his hands away from her and fleeing from the room. He waited five minutes, and when there was no sign of her returning and giving an explanation for her actions he knew he would have to go and find out for himself. Cautiously he exited the bedroom and, peering out of the window in the kitchen, he saw Addison sat where he had previously found her, huddled on the porch, only this time her stare was blank, her body stiff. He filled a glass full of water and swung open the trailer door. She didn't move, not even acknowledging his presence. – Quiet, blank Addison was always a cause for concern. Crouching down to her level he pushed the water into her hands. "Sip it." She drank a little before setting it on the porch and nodded her thanks.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" She shook her head, and Derek noted that her breathing was still erratic. He sat down next to her properly and covered her hand with his, just a small amount of physical contact. He didn't want to overwhelm her and inadvertently cause more panic. "Try and calm down Addie, deep breaths." He sat quietly with her, and as the minutes passed by he heard her breathing calm, and slowly her eyes began to regain focus.

"When did it stop for you?"

Her sudden question, blurted out, surprised him.

"When did what stop?" he said, confused.

"After you found…." She couldn't bring herself to say his name. _Mark._ "us, you said you felt nauseous….looking at me made you feel that way. I don't feel nauseous when I look at you, but when I think about you….you and Meredith on…..on…" She wanted to say _"on that bed"_ but the bubble of panic descended on her again, and she felt her chest tighten. She waited a few moments before speaking. "I need to know when it goes away Derek, because if it doesn't…it makes no difference if you're done hurting me back or not. I can cope with that, but this, this feeling inside, I _can't_ cope with this, and if it never goes away, then there's no point to this…to any of this."

She extracted her hand out of his light grip, and as the tears started to fall again, he knew, _truly_ knew that underneath the bravado, behind the mask she wore at work, that him sleeping with Meredith – Working with Meredith, _being_ with Meredith, bothered her. So much so that the sheer imagery of it sucked the air from her lungs and knotted her stomach. He should have been pleased – He _wanted_ to be pleased. Paybacks a bitch after all. However, he felt bothered that _she was_ bothered. It surprised him. He'd imagined it a few times, thought about how good the redemption would feel, however the stark reality of it, sitting on a cold and wet porch with her, listening to her hitched breaths, listening to her _break_ in front of him, felt like a hollow victory.

"I want to…I want go h-" The word _home_ stuck in her throat. "But we don't have one anymore" she whispered. In any normal situation he would have come back with a salty _"And whose fault is that?"_ Instead he picked up her shaking hand and held it between both of his.

"It goes away. If it hadn't of gone away, I would have signed the papers, and I wouldn't be able to touch you, or kiss you."

 _That day that she had been searching for him, and he had glanced up to see her standing in the gallery, a silent support. It was then that it had gone away for him._

"It gets better Addie, it does. I'm trying. This is hard for both of us, I know. But I am trying." He scanned her face quickly, half Doctor, looking for the onset of any further symptoms of a full blown panic attack, half husband, concerned for his wife. It was a fine line, one which had never been blurred until now. "It'll be okay Addie, we can get through this."

"H-how?"

"I don't know. I didn't actually think that this would bother you….not this much. The Meredith thing….I just…I just didn't think." He sighed, unsure of what else to say, nothing he was saying seemed to be calming her. Her left hand was still between his, and he felt the sharp cold of her rings against the palm of his hand. Her fingers were freezing, and still shaky. "Addison we need to go inside, you're freezing." He noticed that her shirt was still undone from before, no doubt causing her to feel the cold further. Calmly, he reached over and buttoned it up for her. "Come on" he said in what he hoped were encouraging tones. "Just come and sit inside, we don't have to do anything. Just come and sit inside" he repeated.

She looked up at him, and although her eyes were still teary, they had lost that glassy unfocused look of panic. She shook her head violently.

"I can't Derek. Not right now."

She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest, tucking her hands neatly into opposite elbows. Turning away from Derek she stared out into the black vast distance.

"We never really got rain like this back in New York did we? I mean it _rained_ but this rain, it feels different. Back h – In New York" she corrected herself. "The rain, it's always bouncing off of things, sidewalks, cars, steps. It seems to bounce off these things and somehow gets you even more soaked"

As she said that, the image of her standing on the steps of their brownstone sprang forth into his mind. He understood what she meant. The rain was bouncing off of their steps that night. She was completely saturated by the time he let her back in, even though she had only been outside for a mere minute. He still remembered how wet her arms were when she had held onto his face.

He looked up at her to se her still staring out at the landscape pensively. "The rains different here." She repeated. "There's nothing for it to bounce off of. It just falls to the ground. No support, nothing steady for it to come into contact with."

"I understand" Derek said quietly. And he did, it was a metaphor for how she felt being in Seattle.

"Do you? Do you Derek? You didn't actually answer my earlier question." She turned around to face her husband. "Are you done hurting me back? Because I'm like the rain here, I don't have anyone here to bounce off, to support me. I will just fall."

He studied her face. Her eyes were puffy and slightly red but she looked young. Young and emotionally vulnerable; just how she had looked back in medical school when they had their first proper fight.

 _That was partly Mark's fault too. He was due to meet Addison for dinner after a late class, but it was unexpectedly cancelled, and instead of using the extra 2 hours to study, Mark had goaded him into going to a bar and had poured double scotches down his neck. Derek, under the impression that they were singles and, not being aware of his own tolerance or knowing that drinking strong liquor on an empty stomach was not a good idea, merely drank along with Mark, not realising how wasted he was until he left the bar and the cold fresh air hit him. He woke up the next morning, on Mark's floor, bleary eyed and with a headache that made him feel like there was a tiny builder inside his head, attacking his skull with a jackhammer, with no recollection of the rest of the evening. After he'd thrown a significant amount of coffee down his throat and his ears could tolerate the timbre of human voice, Mark gleefully informed him that once Derek had stumbled into the restaurant – late, and smelling like the floor of a scotch factory – Addison had promptly thrown her drink in his face and told him that she never wanted to see him again. He had then gone back to the bar and proceeded to continue drinking, to the point where Mark had to carry him back to his room, where he had proceeded to pass out on the floor. Mark of course, found the whole situation hilarious, telling Derek that 'this is what you do in college'_

 _He went straight to see Addison, after Mark had finished filling in the alcohol induced amnesia gaps in his memory, full of apologies and swearing down that Mark was a terrible evil influencer, and that he'd never let him interfere in their relationship again. He promised her then and there that he wouldn't let her down again. Two promises' that didn't stay true. He had let her down in New York, over and over again, and had allowed Mark to come between them once again. Only this time it was worse, because Addison had allowed him too._

She wore the same expression on her face now as she had done when she had eventually opened the door to him that morning. However, this time he could actually do something about it. Her question hung in the air.

"Addison, I'm sorry about today, and the answer to your question is yes. I don't want us hurting each other anymore."

He stood up and crossed over to her, pulling her left hand into his, feeling the cold metal of her wedding band between his fingers.

"I can't stay here though Derek, at least not tonight. Not right now."

He understood, the wound was still raw, and open. It needed time to heal. They needed time to heal.

"Okay, where can I take you then?"

She smiled the first smile that he had seen all evening.

"Anywhere but here sounds great"

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 **Thoughts? It's a cliche, but reviews make me faster!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I know I said this was only a "mini" story and originally I thought it would be around 4 chapters long...but it seems to have grown quite a bit in my mind, and I'm expecting it to turn out quite a bit longer. There's just so much emotion that I think surrounded their "first time back together" and I'm really enjoying exploring it. I hope you are too.**

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His behaviour on the porch surprised her. It wasn't at all what she had expected – She wasn't exactly sure _what_ she had expected but kind words and caring physical gestures weren't it. Usually he was indifferent to the way that she was feeling, with his usual patter of "Not now Addison" alongside him also ignoring the emotions that were plainly written all over her face. That was his normal behavior back during those last few dark months in New York. She expected that familiar, almost awkward distance from him tonight, after all, missing out on special occasions was his customary behaviour.

 _His behaviour…._

She couldn't quite place when, back in New York it had begun to change, or why. She'd gotten used to masking her emotions when she realised that getting upset over missed dinners or nights spent in the hospital, just seemed to be pushing him further away. Wine helped. It was also easier to completely switch off her emotions, or pour her heart out to Mark over bottles of wine and dinners that had stagnated waiting for a husband that never showed. She began to realise that this ensured that all negative emotion had been drained out of her by the time Derek eventually came home. She was just an empty shell. Not that he seemed to notice the difference. He didn't notice much about her at that point. The only thing he had picked up on was the fact that his wife seemed calmer, towards him almost to the point of vacancy, but he merely put that down to long hours spent at work. What he didn't realise was that as he grew more absent, it was only pushing her closer to Mark.

But here there was no Mark, no Savvy, or Weiss or anyone to fall back on. It was just them, and tonight wasn't the time to dwell on mistakes of the past, even though Derek's fling – or whatever it was, she really had no idea – had been playing out in her mind as soon as she had stepped foot into the trailer. Going into tonight, she knew that either way, they needed to move past both Meredith and Mark and be together, because the past would continue to define them unless they started to move forward. Tonight was their chance to do this, and the way he listened to her - really seemed to listen and respond to her gave her hope that they would be able to begin moving forward. It was a small glimpse of the Derek that she had fallen in love with, not the shadow that she had lived with during those last months in New York.

They drove to the Archfield in a muted but comfortable silence. Her eyes drifted to the window to watch the rain drip down against the glass but she found the gentle patter of it more relaxing now. Occasionally her eyes would glance over to Derek's left hand, which was on the steering wheel, and they would lock onto a specific point there. His wedding finger now had a gap where his gold band would have usually laid, but instead of the shiny band standing for their union there was a band of pale skin. It stood out blatantly against the normal colour of the rest of his skin. It looked strange to her, his hand seemed incomplete. She'd kept hers on; taking them off seemed symbolic that the marriage was over, and she wasn't accepting that without at least fighting for it first. She wondered idly what had happened to his, not that she had any right to ask. At least not yet. Was it removed in a fit of anger when he left that night, or was it calculated, removing it secret as soon as he saw Meredith in the bar? Neither of those scenarios were good, especially the last one. But she couldn't ask, and truthfully, she wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to know the answer.

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She's not the only one staring. He steals glances at her, in-between watching the road. The further he drives her away from the trailer the more relaxed she seems to be, her body more pliant, molding into the seat, and he's relieved to see her eyes have lost that glassy stare, and she's focusing on actual objects -the rain outside the window seems to hold a certain fascination – but he also sees her taking furtive looks at his hands.

"Something on there?" he asks.

She looks up from the window.

"On what?"

"On my hand…you're kinda staring at it."

"Oh" she looks almost guilty that she was caught out. "No….quite the opposite really." He glanced down, momentarily confused until he sees what she was looking at. The band of white, almost like a halo, standing out starkly on his left hand.

"Oh….that…" he said lamely.

 _Was that all the wedding ring had been reduced too? Just an 'oh….that'_

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and placed his hand into his lap, shading it from her view. "So.." he cleared his throat. The air had grown somewhat thick, and he wanted to alleviate the tension before the night was completely ruined through awkwardness.

"The Archfield, did you find that in your best of Seattle guide?"

Addison laughed slightly.

"Actually yes, and it was the only one I could find that had a decent thread count on the sheets." Derek had to smile, that was typical Addison. "Well" she continued "If I have to live in a hotel, I want it to be the best."

"You're not _living_ there Addison."

"Really? Because I don't live in New York, I don't live in your _trailer_."

She said the word bitterly. It didn't go unnoticed.

Derek sighed. "Well yeah…I guess you do."

For some reason it had never occurred to him to question Addison's living arrangements. He felt the familiar knot in his stomach that he had experienced out on the porch. _Guilt._ Guilt that she had been in Seattle for….how many weeks? He wasn't sure. Was he really that oblivious to her life? To her actions? The answer to both questions was _yes_ which didn't help the knot in his stomach.

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Addison cast a glance at him as they drove nearer to the Archfield, seeing something written on his face that she hadn't seen in a long time.

 _Emotion – Guilt._

She didn't like it, but she thought she would have. Back in New York all she wanted was a realisation from him, now she seemed to have it, and it didn't feel good.

 _The second hollow victory of the night._

Sighing she turned her attention back to the rain pattering on the windows. The rain had calmed now, no longer the torrent that was pouring down on them on the porch. If she was looking for metaphors, then that would be one. She also felt calmer, more composed.

"It's not that bad." She found herself saying, just to fill the silence. "I don't have to do any cleaning."

"Since when did you clean anyway?"

"I clean when I have too." She said, defensively. "I just prefer not to spend my free time cleaning unless I have too."

"Well, lucky the trailers small, so there's not much cleaning to do."

"Well I don't live there." The word _yet_ stuck in her throat. She had no idea if she would ever be ready to call it home. Thankfully the Archfield loomed into the distance. "However I do live there. For now."

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She took a deep breath as she pushed the electronic key into the small opening, waiting for the beep before opening the door.

"So, this is it." she said, entering the room and placing the keycard on the table. She stood nervously next to it, tapping her foot. She had thought that being in more of her own environment would help her feel less awkward, but the conversation and her thought processes during the car ride had brought up a few sore points, and the other problem, she now realised was that a hotel room was just that. A room. Nowhere to hide. Unless one of them hid in the bathroom.

"Do you want something to eat? I could order room service?"

"No that's okay." He said. "Although I could use a drink." Addison nodded and pointed to the mini bar.

"It's fully stocked."

One thing Addison did like about hotel rooms – she had to admit – was that you could leave the room, and then, as if by magic when you returned; the bed would be made, rubbish tidied away, mini bar restocked, like all traces of the previous day and night erased, wiped clean. Like a never-ending whiteboard of life. It was like someone hit the refresh button everyday, and the room was back to being a blank canvas. She watched as Derek busied himself with the mini bar and she suddenly felt the need to also busy herself.

 _What was that saying? Idle hands are the Devil's playthings? Guess that was her problem back in New York….._

It wasn't so much her hands, but her mind. Was there a saying about idle minds? If there was, she couldn't recall it, which seemed ironic. She took her shoes off, lining them up neatly by the table and sat down on the bed, feeling cold. Derek hadn't put the heat on in the jeep.

"Do you want ice?"

"Huh?"

"In your scotch." He explained.

"Oh, no thanks. It's cold in here. "

He poured two measures out into the glass tumblers and handed her one of them.

"Cheers….I guess"

"To us having sex again" She said wryly, raising her glass up to his.

They both drained their drinks, clearly both needing slight Dutch courage, and he poured them another one before sitting down next to her on the bed.

"Do you feel ready?" he asked. She nodded as he rubbed his hand up her arm and lent in for a kiss before quickly pulling away. "You're freezing" he said. It was then she realised that her clothes were still damp from sitting on the porch.

"I'm just going to take a quick shower." she said, escaping his hold and standing up. Her husband nodded, "I'll be here."

" _I'll be here…" when was the last time he had said that and meant it?_

She bit back that thought, nodding at him and crossed into the en suite, stripping off her moist clothing and turning the shower on. The hot streams of water coupled with the steam soothed her cold body and she lent back onto the wall, closing her eyes momentarily, and trying to erase all thought of Mark, and Meredith from her mind. Once her mind had cleared she stepped out of the shower and surveyed her naked body in the mirror. Her body hadn't changed since the last time he had seen it – slightly thinner in places due to stress but that was all. Taking one last long critical look in the mirror she pulled one of the hotel robes around her, flipped her hair, and walked back into the room.

It was now or never.

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 **Thoughts? If you are happy with this becoming longer, let me know!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to all who have reviewed, it means so much, espicially as this story was orginally only supposed to be a 'mini' story - I thought 4 chapters at the most, but it seems that I can't help myself writing about angsty Addek. I'm even thinking about a sequel which will reflect on those 3 weeks between Derek confessing about Meredith and how they then jumped to "Addison living in the trailer" What do you think?**

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In another life, one that was only a mere year or so away from this one he would have joined her in the shower, moving behind her with a flannel drenched in some exotic smelling shower gel. Black orchid and juniper he remembered being a particular favourite of hers. Or was it black peonies? He couldn't be 100% sure anymore. Meredith always had a clean, fresh scent, her hair floral with lavender scented shampoo. Addison was the complete opposite, a heady mix of dark and intoxicating aromas which were sometimes so decadent and overwhelming it made his head spin. He couldn't remember the last time he had smelled her scent - not properly anyway – Her perfume would waft past him down the hospital corridors, but when was the last time he had been lost in it? The sheets and pillows on their bed always held her scent; he could always smell the lingering aroma all around him when he was in bed alone. Pregnant women always seemed very fond of giving birth in the middle of the night, and if she had to leave he would miss her warm and soft body next to his, but her scent was always around him, like a mist. It comforted him.

 _Used to comfort him._

Showering with her used to be a comfort too. A perfect opportunity for him to drench them both in her invigorating scent. He would have taken great pleasure in running a flannel across all the curves of her body, smoothing it down her shapely legs, before bringing it around to her stomach, and dipping it slightly in between her legs just enough to gently tease her until she was arching her back into him and moaning softly. He would take his time with her, sculpting a permanent mental image of her body in his mind. He knew every single detail of her body, and he could read it like a map. All the slight dips and curves of her, he knew, every mole, freckle and scar were etched into his mind.

 _Were._

Every part of them now seemed to be past tense.

" _The way he would…..when he knew this….the way he was…..the way they were…"_

It was all New York, all memories and nothing current.

He poured them both a generous measure of scotch, the bottles small but plentiful and he silently thanked Addison for having such good taste in hotels. Looking around the room he saw that it had all the amenities and touches of luxury that she enjoyed, but it was sparse of any personal items, and he couldn't see the usual two items displayed that he knew she always took with her when she had to stay away in hotels without him.

 _Derek furrowed his brow as he picked up her suitcase._

" _Addie, it's a two day conference."_

 _She raised an eyebrow at him._

" _Yes…..and?"_

"… _.and this case is ridiculously heavy! You can't possibly need everything in here!" He picked it up again and heard a distinctive 'clink' from inside. It sounded like glass, metal on glass. "What on earth is in here?!" He watched as her cheeks turned slightly pink._

" _Nothing" she said, defensively._

 _He heaved the case onto their sofa, hearing the metallic clink again. "Clothes don't make that noise Addison, unless you've started wearing suits of armour." He started to unzip the case before she stopped him._

" _Derek don't!"_

" _Addie, what's going on?"_

 _She dropped dramatically onto the sofa and covered her face with her hands._

" _Okay fine. You can look. But don't laugh."_

 _He looked perplexed._

" _Why would I laugh?"_

" _Because….I might have packed a few things that might look….odd."_

" _Okay, now you're worrying me."_

 _He unzipped the case and, after lifting out some of her clothes he soon found the source of the metallic noise._

" _Oh Addie." He said softly._

 _Nestled among her wares were two photos of them in silver frames. One from their wedding, and the other from the honeymoon, both taken under a year ago. Wrapped around them was one of the blankets from their bed._

" _I know, I know, its weird." She said, her hands still covering her face in embarrassment._

" _It's not weird, it's sweet." He put the items down and took her hands in his. "But, can I ask why you picked the bulky blanket and the expensive silver frames to take with you?"_

" _ThisisthefirsttimeI'vebeenawayfromyou." She said it quickly and he had to wonder if he had heard her correctly._

" _What? This isn't the first time you've been away from me? You've been at the hospital overnight or at Savvy's?"_

" _Yes….but, this is the first time that I've been away since we moved in together and got married and yes, I've stayed at Sav's but hotel rooms are different, and I'm just worried that I'll miss you , and there won't be anything there to remind me of you. I packed the photo's because obviously, you're in them, and I thought I had better take the frames because I thought that I wouldn't have anything to stand them on in the room, and the blanket because it's soft and it smells like you."_

 _His expression softened and he pulled her hands away from her face, kissing the palm of her left hand._

" _It's not weird, it's sweet" he repeated. "But I have a better idea about what you can take rather then that bulky blanket and those heavy and expensive frames. Take the photos out of those frames, and I'll be right back"_

 _She took his advice and eased the photos out of their silver frames and lifted the blanket out of the case, setting it down on the other end of the sofa. She could hear several loud thumps emanating from upstairs. It wasn't long before he came thundering back down the stairs, with two items bunched up in his hand._

" _Here" he said, almost shyly. "This is instead of the blanket, and you can sleep in it, if you want." He handed her a folded up t-shirt, which she took. It was his clearly, judging by the size of it and soft, like it had been well worn. She unfolded it and turned it around, smiling when she saw the logo emblazoned across it._

' _Bowdain college – Maine'_

" _Derek you love this t-shirt."_

" _I do…but I love you more. So, you can take this with you, and when you sleep in it, it'll remind you of me. Plus, it's a lot more travel sized then that bulky blanket."_

" _Derek you are so sweet." She said softly and leaned into him for a gentle kiss. "What was the other item?" she asked curiously._

" _Aaah yes."_

 _He reached behind him and placed a teddy bear in her hands. She recognised it instantly, it had been a gift to her from him for their first Valentines day, and Addison, despite not really being a stuffed animal kind of girl instantly adored this bear as it was dressed in a white lab coat, and had a small stethoscope around it's neck._

 _She looked at him, slightly perplexed._

" _Whilst I love the idea of taking him with me, how is he a substitute for a photo frame?"_

 _Derek took the bear off her and placed it on the table, picking up one of the photos he gently placed it on the bear's legs and leaned it against it's stomach._

" _Ta-da!" he said, looking pleased with himself. "And he won't break, unlike those frames"_

" _They're perfect. Thank you." She leaned in to kiss him again. "I'll take them both with me every time I'm away. Nowhere feels right without you."_

Making sure that he could still hear the water running in the shower he quickly took a look in the wardrobe, all he could find were rows of her clothes neatly hung up. He looked around the room again and opened one of the drawers, nestled under several of the hotels towels he found what he had been looking for. The Bowdain t-shirt was there, and neatly tucked inside it were the 2 photographs. He pulled them out and stared at them. They both looked so young, so happy and in love, and he felt a small lump in his throat as he looked at them.

 _Innocent. They looked innocent and completely unmarred by life; like this was the first step of an amazing journey they were set to take with each other._

He heard the water shut of in the en suite and he tucked the photos back inside the t-shirt and shut the memories back in the drawer. It wasn't long before Addison stepped out, the steam from the shower swirling around her slightly as she opened the door.

"Hey" she said, tentatively.

"Hi" he said, handing her the double measure of scotch that he had poured minutes before.

"Thank you."

His eyes tracked her as she crossed the room, drink in hand, and sat down on the bed, tucking her legs underneath each other and pulling the hotel's robe around her tightly. That surprised him. Addison had never been shy about her body.

Sighing, he sat down next to her.

"This is ridiculous."

She looked up at him, startled. "What? You want to leave?"

"No….no…..this, you and me. We're husband and wife, we've done this a _million_ times. This should be comfortable, and familiar….not awkward and….bumpy." He cringed inwardly at his terrible choice of words.

"Bumpy? You find me bumpy? What does that even mean?"

"Bad choice of words…I just meant that…you know, when sex is bad, and you don't really connect with the person physically it seems…bumpy."

"Like with me? You think we had bad sex, because Derek, I was there and it wasn't bad."

She looked incredibly annoyed and for a second he thought that she was going to throw her drink in his face.

"Sorry, look. Ignore that…" he sighed. "I'm an idiot."

That finally garnered a smile from Addison.

"Yes you are. But so am I."

He wasn't sure what she was referring too….Mark? Her nerves? He let it go. Inching closer to her he took the glass from her hand and placed it on the floor.

"Come here."

As he leaned into kiss her he saw a light in her eyes that had been missing from their original kiss back at the trailer. She looped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, kissing him this time with a hunger and passion that had also been missing from before. Gently he laid her down on the bed, making sure to maintain contact with her the whole time, he slid his lips down to her neck, and as he did so, the heady aroma of her shower gel and shampoo filled his nostrils. It almost made him feel dizzy, to smell that heady fragrance again. As he kissed down her neck he felt her hands dip under his shirt and she motioned to him to take it off. He did so, and, at the same time he removed his belt and trousers, before lying back down on the bed with her.

He pulled back and silently nodded at her before undoing the belt of her robe, and allowing it to fall open. She shrugged off the terrycloth robe, and lay before him, completely naked and slightly flushed with arousal. She was still so beautiful, and he felt himself grow hard. He continued to kiss her and her newly exposed skin, running his hands down her sides and kissing her breasts. He flicked her nipple with his tongue, a move she always enjoyed and she arched up into him. His hands wandered down, skimming down the curves of her stomach and her hips before dipping his fingers into her, smiling inwardly when he felt her wetness. A small groan escaped her lips as she moved her hands down to his boxer shorts and pulled them down. He kicked them off his ankles and hovered over her, suddenly feeling that knot in his stomach that was present earlier.

As he started to move inside her a feeling came over him that he couldn't explain. She was the same, she felt the same, but something just felt…. _different. She felt different._ He felt awkward as she tried to set a steady pace, and he felt like she was all limbs everywhere…. _had her legs and arms always been this long?_ And his word earlier came back to haunt him.

 _Bumpy. And it was. Bumpy and awkward._

If she felt the same she didn't act like it, glancing down at her to see her eyes half open, breathy moans emanating from her lips. It wasn't Mark, it wasn't even Meredith. He couldn't pinpoint _what_ it was. Their connection, their physical spark, it was there, but it wasn't there _enough._ He let his body take over and emptied his mind of Meredith, Mark and even Addison, purely driving onto physical release. Muscle memory took over his actions as he picked up the pace. He felt her legs wrap around his back, and whilst Addison gasped at the change of angle and the quickened pace he found them awkward and heavy on him. He could still identify her tells though, and as her hands gripped onto his sides and she moaned his name, he could tell she was close. Reaching down between them he rubbed her clitoris, wanting her to come, wanting _himself_ to come, just so it would be over, and after a few more deep thrusts from him and a well timed tweak of her clitoris she was there, moaning his name. He felt himself tighten and then he was there too, emptying himself into her.

 _It was done. Stitches ripped. And he felt nothing._

* * *

Sad angsty sex. That was very difficult to write. I had to rewatch that one tiny scene a hundred times trying to pick up on both of their vibes. Addison's lying there all smiley and happy and Derek's looking ridiculously uncomfortable and my poor battered Addek heart breaks for her. Please review, let me know your thoughts!


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